Impacts on Reality

(11/26/14)

Photo from here.

I had a really vivid dream last night of being pulled over by the police in a car I wasn't driving. There were two officers who were super aggressive and demanded us to get out of the car so they could search the car and, as dreams go, to search my car that was parked across the street. (It was the 1994 Ford Thunderbird that I miss as much as I miss people). Of course I refused to consent to a search and asked what was the problem, which outraged the officers. But somehow how in all the confusion and high tension, I was able to calm the officers down and they ended up sitting in the car with us, agreed they were over reacting, and eventually left.

This would never happen in real life.

In real life I am sure I would have either submitted to the search or been so verbal as to get myself arrested. Which lead me to another mid-sleep though, if I were locked up, refused to talk, and insisted on an attorney...who in the universe would I call?

So this morning I raked my brain, figured out who is the nearest trust-worthy criminal defense attorney is that I know and added the firm's number to my phone. Along with a 24-hour defense hotline number, just in case.

Oh the wonder of dreaming.

On Death and Dying

(05/08/14)

First of all, suicide sucks. If you find yourself thinking that the end is near and you want to expedite the race to the finish, don't. Please call 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Or call me. And know that if you call me, you're going to get a personal visit from me as soon as my ugly car can drive to be by your side. And if I have your mom's number, I am going to call her too. We are all going to be there. Just like we are on the days when you're not plotting your demise. That's the public service announcement portion of this post.

So, death. I think that is the easy part. It is the "life" part that is more challenging. From what I can tell, those days just before the end are often the very worst. We grasp for hope, for meaning, for purpose and then spend most of our days striving to achieve...something. I don't think it matters much what that "something" is, as long as it fulfills (or seeks to fulfill) that small, still voice that connects soul to life. For me, that "something" is creating. Right now it is creating glass work, sometimes the creation is a big party, other times it is weeding the side yard (to undo the "creating" of a neglected garden). For you, I am sure, that connection is different. It seems, as long as I am seeking a path to satisfy that voice, then the purpose of my life is fulfilled.

What is it that derails our connection to the soul and the feeling of being whole? A bad childhood, maybe. Or a dissatisfying marriage, perhaps. Sometimes it is addiction, or depression, grief, or the general ennui felt as life approaches and you're measuring yourself against a yardstick meant for someone else.

Being swept away by the world and not stopping to re-connect will create the chasm of darkness. From what I can tell, after recognizing the darkness, the most difficult step is asking for help. To admit that the connection-to-self cannot be made feels worse than the missing connection itself. Life isn't easy; there is nothing worse than being alone on that island of departure-from-self.

It would be nice if I could wrap this post up with an unscientific truth about how to avoid the path of self-destruction, but I don't have one. All I know is that is really is awful to be the ones left behind when a friend finds them self on the lonely, lonely island and takes a dive off the cliff face of reality, never to return again. How much I would give to make them step back, to turn around and come running down the hill and stay with us for just one more night.

Like I said, suicide sucks. A whole, whole lot.

These Things Make Me Smile

(04/29/14)

Trolling the internet for inspiration and smiles often leads me to laughing out loud and thinking of the specific people who would also love what I find.

This certainly should belong to my baby sister:

Available here

And, well this one is for my baby sister, too:

Available here

My other sister would like this art:

Available here

On Friendship

(04/21/14)

On Friendship

I asked a friend to write an essay about "Being a Good Friend." In my opinion, she is one of the best keepers of people I have ever met. She regularly corresponds with people from her long-ago past and keeps tabs on the happenings of hundreds with only rare reliance on social media for sourcing.

So, after a good deal of time passed and I did not get an essay back, I inquired. You know what she said?That she wrote the essay; it was only one word: persistence.

Another Great Idea

(03/11/2014)

I know I am not yet in charge of the world, but when I am, there will be a few changes. First, in elevators, there will be a skip pattern. The elevator will not stop on back-to-back floors. People must start taking the stairs. Two flights of stairs is not too much to ask. Sure, there are people who physically cannot walk the stairs so I will need to come up with an exclusion/inclusion principle, but let's leave that aside for a minutes. If the elevator stops on the 9th floor to pick someone up, the guy who pressed 10 is now out of luck and needs to get out, take a hike or get off at 11 and walk down. It would just save a lot of time. And it would improve the general well being of the whole city. Small steps, people. Small steps. And frankly, I think this should be a three-floor skip pattern, but we have to start somewhere.

photo credit: http://uiobservatory.com/media/2011/ElevatorButtonPanel.png

Tips for Your First Time

(03/12/14)

Last night, I had the great honor of ushering a friend, who shall remain nameless unless she opts to out herself, to take the plunge and just try it. She had a lot of excuses mostly the typical: "I am shy. I can't do that!" followed by giggles. Seriously, blushing and giggles. It is against the code to force someone to do it, so I didn't. I just strongly encouraged her. Strongly. I told her about my first time and the time I got my Dad to do it for his first time. It was an uphill battle, but in the end she did it. And then the flood gates were opened. And she did it again. And if we had more time (and another beer) I have no doubt she would have done it all night.

Thanks be to karaoke.

Repurposing with a Purpose!

(02.20.2011)
Two days of 40 degree weather prompted me to make good on my plans to start seeds for my garden! I had a dream about creating a mini-greenhouse to sit on the table in my office. With the help of Jen and some duct tape, I was able to create a nice frame out of old curtain rods, covered in left over winter window plastic to keep in the moisture and warmth! We had some plant containers from last season, now filled with fresh dirt and later today sprinkled with seeds. The garden of my dreams is well with in the reach of reality.

The plastic is not attached to the frame in this picture.

LOVE is in the air.

And LOVE is on the bus...or at least that is what I could gather from the oddly matched duo in front of me on the Metro this afternoon. I knew it was love when the lady donning a washed out Starter jacket turned to ask me for a pen (which of course I was more than obliged to offer her, I love the people on the bus).

Quickly, however, her perhaps less-than-sober, equally under-dressed companion says, "I don't need a pen; I have a mind like a steel trap." Which really meant he had the ability to repeat things aloud. Over. And over. And over some more. (Actually, I also have memorized her digits, but don't worry, I won't be messing up his game any time soon. I swear.) My favorite part of their budding romance: when he asked if he could come to her sister's house and drink some beers. Why her sister's house? Because he is a gentleman. Why beers? I don't know, he didn't say, and I would HATE to speculate.

I am still working on the logic of that one.

And while I am feeling a tad snarky, let's just talk about public displays of affection. There is something creepy about watching total strangers (both to me and to each other, but for this serendipitous seat selection) nuzzling each other. (Nuzzling: you know, the head-butting thing a cat does to show affection, similar to that of a 2-year still working on the whole speaking-intelligible-words bit.) Perhaps this gesture is endearing in the privacy of one's home, but it strikingly repulsive on the bus.

That is all I can muster for today. More adventures to come!

Let me see your sushi roll?

(03.18.10) Many years ago I attended a sushi making party in Louisville. I remember having so much fun that I asked the host to give me a copy of her the sushi party shopping list and instructions. Yesterday evening, I ressurected the instructions and, with Jen's help, made some fantastic food. Please enjoy the photo journey into the world of food adventures.

Ingredients: shrimp, avacado, cucumber, rice, seaweed wrap, wine (for the cooks of course)

Painstakingly smooth a very thin layer of sticky rice on top of the seaweek wrap. This is a lot more difficult that we thought it would be:

Assemble the ingredients on top of the rice:

Carefully start the rolling process, being sure not to include any of the plastic wrap and being careful not to tear the thin seaweed wrap:

Cut in half, then in thirds:

Ta-dah! Final product:

the hairy feet lady was at the gym again...

(03.10.10)
the hairy feet lady was at the gym again blowing her feet dry while she sat on the gross locker room floor while looking up at me from time to time. creepy. but more importantly, seeing the wet feet lady means that I was ALSO at the gym again and that, my friends, is a very good thing. It is amazing what a little sunlight can do for motivation (to go indoors and workout, I know, but in my defense, I ran outside yesterday and wanted to lift weights today).

Also, I overheard an undergrad say to her friend: I didn't know Flogging Molly people dressed all Irish-y.
Sigh.

Let me tell you how hard this was!

(02.18.2010)
I was asked by an administrator to provide a picture of myself to go along with a bio that is going to be posted on the college website. I thought that this would be an easy task, however it was not. (note, I was limited to the pictures on Facebook, CouchSurfing, and Myspace because I don't have my computer with me at school but I don't even think that would have helped.)

Every picture I have taken is either: poorly lit, taken at an odd angle, shows my ugly glasses, has an inappropriate background, or demonstrates my love of wearing sweatshirts and disdain for showers. Don't believe me? Here are the ones that I ended up submitting:

Which were edited from these lovely choices:

I blame the Christians...

(02/03/10)

You see, at my school we are very lucky to have free coffee on Tuesday mornings. The Christian Legal Society provides this treat. And we are also very luck to have free thermos mugs. The mugs are from Westlaw, who I think by the end of this post, you too will agree, are in cahoots with the Christian Legal Society. (see the picture of my beloved mug)

So, It was some time at the end of last semester that I decided to have just *one* cup of this free coffee. And it was very good. The following week I did the same time, but later tat same day I went back to have a second cup. That was when I discovered how it feels to be jittery: my mind races, I concentrate intensely, my mind races, my hand shakes, great thoughts come pouring out of my mind... And the rest is history. I have been drinking a lot of coffee. I like the color, I like the smell, with 3 packages of sugar I like the taste, and I like how it make my brain spin.

Today, however, I made a deal with the devil.

I said: "If I don't get out of bed on the first alarm, then no coffee!!"

I did not get out of bed.

I did not get coffee.

I did have a quite a headache and it was not pleasant, let me tell you.

So here I am, late in the afternoon and really needing some warm coffee goodness, but no. I will not do it. Sigh. And remember, all of this comes from a girl who was so sensitive to caffeine before that no matter the time of day she wouldn't be able to tame her racing mind in order to fall asleep...