Impacts on Reality

(11/26/14)

Photo from here.

I had a really vivid dream last night of being pulled over by the police in a car I wasn't driving. There were two officers who were super aggressive and demanded us to get out of the car so they could search the car and, as dreams go, to search my car that was parked across the street. (It was the 1994 Ford Thunderbird that I miss as much as I miss people). Of course I refused to consent to a search and asked what was the problem, which outraged the officers. But somehow how in all the confusion and high tension, I was able to calm the officers down and they ended up sitting in the car with us, agreed they were over reacting, and eventually left.

This would never happen in real life.

In real life I am sure I would have either submitted to the search or been so verbal as to get myself arrested. Which lead me to another mid-sleep though, if I were locked up, refused to talk, and insisted on an attorney...who in the universe would I call?

So this morning I raked my brain, figured out who is the nearest trust-worthy criminal defense attorney is that I know and added the firm's number to my phone. Along with a 24-hour defense hotline number, just in case.

Oh the wonder of dreaming.

On Death and Dying

(05/08/14)

First of all, suicide sucks. If you find yourself thinking that the end is near and you want to expedite the race to the finish, don't. Please call 1-800-273-TALK(8255). Or call me. And know that if you call me, you're going to get a personal visit from me as soon as my ugly car can drive to be by your side. And if I have your mom's number, I am going to call her too. We are all going to be there. Just like we are on the days when you're not plotting your demise. That's the public service announcement portion of this post.

So, death. I think that is the easy part. It is the "life" part that is more challenging. From what I can tell, those days just before the end are often the very worst. We grasp for hope, for meaning, for purpose and then spend most of our days striving to achieve...something. I don't think it matters much what that "something" is, as long as it fulfills (or seeks to fulfill) that small, still voice that connects soul to life. For me, that "something" is creating. Right now it is creating glass work, sometimes the creation is a big party, other times it is weeding the side yard (to undo the "creating" of a neglected garden). For you, I am sure, that connection is different. It seems, as long as I am seeking a path to satisfy that voice, then the purpose of my life is fulfilled.

What is it that derails our connection to the soul and the feeling of being whole? A bad childhood, maybe. Or a dissatisfying marriage, perhaps. Sometimes it is addiction, or depression, grief, or the general ennui felt as life approaches and you're measuring yourself against a yardstick meant for someone else.

Being swept away by the world and not stopping to re-connect will create the chasm of darkness. From what I can tell, after recognizing the darkness, the most difficult step is asking for help. To admit that the connection-to-self cannot be made feels worse than the missing connection itself. Life isn't easy; there is nothing worse than being alone on that island of departure-from-self.

It would be nice if I could wrap this post up with an unscientific truth about how to avoid the path of self-destruction, but I don't have one. All I know is that is really is awful to be the ones left behind when a friend finds them self on the lonely, lonely island and takes a dive off the cliff face of reality, never to return again. How much I would give to make them step back, to turn around and come running down the hill and stay with us for just one more night.

Like I said, suicide sucks. A whole, whole lot.

These Things Make Me Smile

(04/29/14)

Trolling the internet for inspiration and smiles often leads me to laughing out loud and thinking of the specific people who would also love what I find.

This certainly should belong to my baby sister:

Available here

And, well this one is for my baby sister, too:

Available here

My other sister would like this art:

Available here

On Friendship

(04/21/14)

On Friendship

I asked a friend to write an essay about "Being a Good Friend." In my opinion, she is one of the best keepers of people I have ever met. She regularly corresponds with people from her long-ago past and keeps tabs on the happenings of hundreds with only rare reliance on social media for sourcing.

So, after a good deal of time passed and I did not get an essay back, I inquired. You know what she said?That she wrote the essay; it was only one word: persistence.

To Stay or Not to Stay

(03/14/14)

My studio-mate was accepted in to graduate school for her painting skillz. She will be leaving the area, and the studio in June. Her leaving brought forward in my mind that question that is often nagging: why do you keep renting an art studio? Is it worth the money you pay every month?

How do you calculate the benefit of renting an art space, or any space or that matter? A good place to begin would be to look at the cost in dollars compared to the benefit in dollars. But what if there is a benefit that is soft, not easily converted in to dollars? Like: it feels good to be here. Or, how do you quantify the status associated with being a "member" of a "community"? Those are the soft things I cannot calculate.

There is a bit of inspiration that comes from just walking in to the dirty warehouse with giant, drafty windows and knowing there are dozens of other creators searching for their own muse to guide them to fully expressing the ideas within.

Perhaps the better question is not whether to stay or not to stay, but to ask if this is the art that fuels my soul and in turn expresses my creativity. If so, are there changes that need to be made or are things cool as-is?

Frankly, I would like to get two studio-mates to reduce the cost of the rent and I would not even be asking this question. Which answers the concern over whether I want to stay or not.

So, universe, help me find more people who want to share in the creative process by sharing a space at 400 West Rich street, okay?

Tips for Your First Time

(03/12/14)

Last night, I had the great honor of ushering a friend, who shall remain nameless unless she opts to out herself, to take the plunge and just try it. She had a lot of excuses mostly the typical: "I am shy. I can't do that!" followed by giggles. Seriously, blushing and giggles. It is against the code to force someone to do it, so I didn't. I just strongly encouraged her. Strongly. I told her about my first time and the time I got my Dad to do it for his first time. It was an uphill battle, but in the end she did it. And then the flood gates were opened. And she did it again. And if we had more time (and another beer) I have no doubt she would have done it all night.

Thanks be to karaoke.

Repurposing with a Purpose!

(02.20.2011)
Two days of 40 degree weather prompted me to make good on my plans to start seeds for my garden! I had a dream about creating a mini-greenhouse to sit on the table in my office. With the help of Jen and some duct tape, I was able to create a nice frame out of old curtain rods, covered in left over winter window plastic to keep in the moisture and warmth! We had some plant containers from last season, now filled with fresh dirt and later today sprinkled with seeds. The garden of my dreams is well with in the reach of reality.

The plastic is not attached to the frame in this picture.

LOVE is in the air.

And LOVE is on the bus...or at least that is what I could gather from the oddly matched duo in front of me on the Metro this afternoon. I knew it was love when the lady donning a washed out Starter jacket turned to ask me for a pen (which of course I was more than obliged to offer her, I love the people on the bus).

Quickly, however, her perhaps less-than-sober, equally under-dressed companion says, "I don't need a pen; I have a mind like a steel trap." Which really meant he had the ability to repeat things aloud. Over. And over. And over some more. (Actually, I also have memorized her digits, but don't worry, I won't be messing up his game any time soon. I swear.) My favorite part of their budding romance: when he asked if he could come to her sister's house and drink some beers. Why her sister's house? Because he is a gentleman. Why beers? I don't know, he didn't say, and I would HATE to speculate.

I am still working on the logic of that one.

And while I am feeling a tad snarky, let's just talk about public displays of affection. There is something creepy about watching total strangers (both to me and to each other, but for this serendipitous seat selection) nuzzling each other. (Nuzzling: you know, the head-butting thing a cat does to show affection, similar to that of a 2-year still working on the whole speaking-intelligible-words bit.) Perhaps this gesture is endearing in the privacy of one's home, but it strikingly repulsive on the bus.

That is all I can muster for today. More adventures to come!

In Honor of St. Patrick

(03.17.10)

We had a bakesale. Yes, I know. A bakesale is a totally lame way to celebrate. In years past I have been known to: dance many jigs and reels, envisions bagpipers who then appear in real life and play Irish tunes for my selfish pleasure, and of course, drink copious amounts of expensive imports etc.

Not anymore, friends. This is law school: I bake.

Here is me, offering you a gooey cupcake that I did not bake:

"Would you like a delicious sugar rush?"

I am the one who, with the assistance of my lovely girlfriend, whipped up 4 batched of rice krispy treats, made 3 types of muffins, a tray of brownies, and nasty looking no-bake cookies that I "fixed" with some vanilla icing. We were up until well after 1am last night, but it was fun and I think it was worth it. We made 3 times as much money as we spent. The time was my donation!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

the hairy feet lady was at the gym again...

(03.10.10)
the hairy feet lady was at the gym again blowing her feet dry while she sat on the gross locker room floor while looking up at me from time to time. creepy. but more importantly, seeing the wet feet lady means that I was ALSO at the gym again and that, my friends, is a very good thing. It is amazing what a little sunlight can do for motivation (to go indoors and workout, I know, but in my defense, I ran outside yesterday and wanted to lift weights today).

Also, I overheard an undergrad say to her friend: I didn't know Flogging Molly people dressed all Irish-y.
Sigh.

4th Floor Madness

(02.25.2010)

Here at the College of Law they have all of the professor's offices on the fourth floor while nearly all of the classes are on the first floor. It is a rare day that I venture all the way to the top, but today I took that stair-climbing challenge and I am so glad that I did. Nearly everyone was hanging around, most were working in their offices. Best yet, every professor (4 total) I needed to talk to was in and had their door open. Woohoo for efficiency. The professors at this school are so personable. I am glad I ended up where I did. This blog is a lot of fluff. I apologize for a lack of purpose other than saying that I like school. The end.

Let me tell you how hard this was!

(02.18.2010)
I was asked by an administrator to provide a picture of myself to go along with a bio that is going to be posted on the college website. I thought that this would be an easy task, however it was not. (note, I was limited to the pictures on Facebook, CouchSurfing, and Myspace because I don't have my computer with me at school but I don't even think that would have helped.)

Every picture I have taken is either: poorly lit, taken at an odd angle, shows my ugly glasses, has an inappropriate background, or demonstrates my love of wearing sweatshirts and disdain for showers. Don't believe me? Here are the ones that I ended up submitting:

Which were edited from these lovely choices:

Riddle me this

Why do you think the girl in the locker room sat on the floor and used the hairdryer to dry her feet? She had a towel. Was she cold? Has hairy feet? Wanted to see how people would react? Weird.

"You will spend your old age surrounded by comfort and wealth"

(11.27.09) Well, its "black" Friday (how black modifies a day of the week? I have no idea) and the crazies are out in full force. Or at least that is what I imagine. I slept in and only went to two craft stores at 830 this morning. It was nice. Everything I wanted was half price which makes me wonder: just how much I get ripped off every time I pay for something?


Here's another example, the furnace in my rental home stopped producing heat yesterday (Thanksgiving Day of course). I called our heating guy who "tapped on the sensor with a screwdriver" and it started to work again. I am thinking that just tapping on sensitive parts of the furnace when the heat stops is probably not the most effective fix. So I had him replace the sensor. So a $50 service fee is now a lot more expensive, but you know, I would much rather pay for that now and not worry about getting a phone in a week reporting the same issue and be out my $50 service fee. Oh the fun. I need a job to pay for all of this FUN.

PS: here's the link to the cartoon above


PPS: and the title today is classic fortune cookie wisdom

Cynical Thanksgiving

(11.26.09)
Happy Thanksgiving.
Here's a great video of kids re-enacting the First Thanksgiving.

And here's the link to Katie Vernon's website where I borrowed this darling pie print!

Belly Flop

(07/14/09)
<---- See Me in the Hat Over There??

One of the many adventures we had during our road trip was to visit the Jelly Belly warehouse just north of Chicago. We arrived in the midst of millions of pre-schoolers, day-campers and other-wise excited kids. We fit right in.

The warehouse was just a warehouse, but they did take us around in a little train, stopping along the way to watch videos about the jelly bean making process. When the "beans" are too small or too large to pass the Jelly Belly test, they are packaged as "Belly Flops" and sold in bulk. I had the joy of sitting with my co-workers today tasting the spectrum of flavors and trying to avoid the Harry Potter inspired snot and toothpaste flavored beans. What an afternoon.

"Be patient. Good things come to those who wait"

Well something remarkable did happen today. It was this bat trapped in a window in the office this morning. I dont know whatever has happened to it. Its after lunch and the thrill of a bat has ebbed.

And later tonight Daphne and Kevin are having their baby. "After a full work day" as Daph so matter-of-factly stated! In the blink of an eye, our lives can be forever changed.

"Now is a good time to finish up old tasks"

Did you know there were chocolate fortune cookies? At work today there was a 2 gallon bag full. They're delicious and inspiring, just as a fortune cookie ought to be.

This city of Cincinnati is just *poppin'* with things to do. This weekend I watched a soft-ball surpise double header, went out for fantastic Chinese food filled with theater people, danced at a bar with a mechanical bull, ate Lebanese food at the "Lebanese Festival" and attended a "soup exchange party." (mark your january 2010 calendar for a soup exchange party in lieu of a birthday party for me!)

well look at that.

So, its been awhile since there's been a post and I doubt there are any people who check for one any more, but I figured, what that heck. I would write a little something this morning.

Life has been grand, as of late. School is ended. I am finishing the third week of my ten week internship. Still in love, still living alone, still floating along my merry way. And at the end of the summer I am adopting a cat. Yes, these are the important highlights.

Last weekend my baby sister graduated from high school and the weekend before the middle child graduated from college. One cousin and one cousin-in-law are pregnant, as is a good friend of mine from college. There are going to be so many June babies! Another cousin is getting married in September. Its a good year for milestone.

That's all for now. More soon.

2 Cups, 1 Girl

(03/17/09)

I don't drink caffeine for good reason. It makes me nuts. And in 10 hours from now, I still won't be able to sleep. That is what happens to your body when you condition it to respond (or not to respond in my case) to drugs.

Well they have free coffee on Tuesdays at the law school, and I have this 20 page paper due on Friday and so far there are only 13 pages. So I am counting on these 2 cups of coffee (which is really closer to 1.75 cups of coffee and .25 cups of sugar and cream) to power-hour myself to the end of the paper. Then I will have 2 full days to edit, aka re-write the entire thing.

Happy St. Patty's Day to you all. Its a sad day for me as I am, for the first time in about forever, not attending any parades, dancing in any bars, nor drinking any Harp, Guinness, or Smithwicks. The day is still young, so perhaps the beer part will change. We shall see.

Back to the paper writing, then off to tutor my 4th grader in Math and Social Studies! (2011 = graduation)